When Memories Come

I had a really difficult memory come in last night.  I’m grateful for dissociation that was able to keep the emotions in another place because the visual was very difficult.  I shared it with Ken and he was comforting and encouraging me and suggesting that I see where True FAMILY were in the scene. 

When I looked at it, I saw a big angel over by the window, but I wondered, “Where is True Jesus?”  I knew He would be somewhere in the room since He says He will never leave us or forsake us.  That is when I saw that He was kneeling down next to me on the floor with His face just inches from mine, tears running down His cheeks.  He was speaking words of life to me in a place of death, not condemning me for what was happening and strengthening me for what I was experiencing.  I then saw another angel on the other side of me with her hand on my back and I knew she was helping to sustain me, in a place where many others had died going through this. 

It was so horrible and yet so beautiful with True Jesus with me.  He knew that I would come through and the plans of restoration He has for me and for many others.  It wasn’t that He wasn’t powerful enough to stop it, but He had a plan that was better than rescue in the moment.  It was comforting and reassuring in a way I can’t even describe.  From this place, I was able to release forgiveness, blessing and restoration to those who were doing this to me. 

I know that sometime I will need to face the emotions from this memory, when He knows I am ready.  It won’t be easy and in that moment I may hate these ones as the anger and rage come.  Scenes like I shared above are not about spiritually bypassing, but about knowing we are not alone and there is a good plan of restoration that makes it worth it all.  It helps me to be able to face the hard times and emotions when they do come when I can remember this. 

It is a journey for all of us.  True FAMILY have never left us.  They have been there, loving, holding us tenderly through every trauma AND with a way through for restoration that is beyond what we can think or imagine.  It is worth it.