Understanding Our Brain, Part 2

While the first level of the brain deals with our attachments, the second level is the assessment center and is our amygdala.  Most people are aware of this important part of our brain that assesses threats to us so very quickly we are not conscious of it.  It is also non-verbal.  Any stimulus is immediately assessed as good, bad or scary.

This is important both in positive and negative ways to protect us.  When we see someone we love, it immediately responds as “good” and we have our relational circuits open to receive and engage relationally with that person.  However, if it is something that is bad or scary, we are immediately put into fight, flight or freeze to meet a threat, perceived or real. 

When we’ve had extensive trauma, most things are considered a potential threat and we can remain in hypervigilance.  This is harmful to our bodies as well as our relationships.  Cortisol, adrenaline and other hormones are pumped into our system and our relational circuits close down and we get into enemy mode (fear – seeing everything as a possible threat).  We build walls of self-protection and view others and even God as a potential threat.  “When is the other shoe going to drop.” 

God never intended for us to remain in this state of being.  It takes healthy relational connections to help overcome and calm the nervous system and only use the “threat alarm system” when there is a real emergency.  The only way to do this is building secure attachments with God and with people and experiencing multiple evidence to the amygdala that God and people can be a good thing instead of just bad and scary.  This takes time and multiple experiences of mismatch and relational repair as we talked about in a previous blog.  It would seem that what we need is just calm and no conflict, but it can actually be in the conflict and seeing it resolved in a healing way that we grow in secure attachment. 

I’ve found at times that God will trigger something in me to do this very thing.  I don’t like it, but ultimately it strengthens my trust in Him and I see that things can work together for good as He promised.  Relationships are messy and this very process of testing the “limits” and finding we can repair after rupture develops a stronger attachment and hope in life.  It also helps our amygdala to know that something/someone can be good and not just bad and scary. 

Many survivors have given up hope as too painful.  Yet, we need hope to survive and go beyond to thriving.  Your amygdala needs more relational experiences of good to help calm it down.  If there is rupture, know that it can be repaired if both parties are willing to work it through.  Let’s work together to grow stronger and help our amygdala know there’s hope.