I had a really difficult memory come in last night.  I’m grateful for dissociation that was able to keep the emotions in another place because the visual was very difficult.  I shared it with Ken and he was comforting and encouraging me and suggesting that I see where True FAMILY were in the scene. 

A friend and I were discussing world events recently and end-time cult programming and she said something so insightful.  “Fear triggers end-time cult programming.”  What a set up!  Who isn’t afraid when we see the news or hear reports of what is happening?

I want to share a portion of my journaling from this weekend when I faced some difficult memories.  I was feeling overwhelming emotions and, in the past, would just stuff and dissociate.  But True FAMILY have a different way.  “We can keep you in perfect peace. That is crazy!  You can’t do that.  (Automatic response from some parts) We can and are. 

In this week’s Testimony Mountain, I share about a recent difficult session I had with my prayer minister, Jo Getziner.  There was much redemption in it and a demonstration of the power of True Jesus that I wanted other survivors to see and understand.  To me, this is the joy set before us.  Even in the midst of horrible things we experienced, True FAMILY have a way of restoration. 

With scandals being exposed in the church and the Epstein files, it can feel pretty depressing, depending on the way you look at things.  A passage that has always intrigued me is from 2 Peter 3:12, 13 NKJV “looking for and hastening the coming of the day of God, because of which the heavens will be dissolved, being on fire, and the elements will melt with fervent heat?  Nevertheless we, according to His promise, look for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells.”

This is an age-old question that continues to plague us.  Maybe we can cognitively understand how we can grow through it, and yet, especially for survivors who have experienced so much suffering, it feels hollow.  Sometimes we feel like we can’t handle anymore.

Most survivors want the healing NOW!  It is not easy to trust True FAMILY for Their timing and way, but I have found that Their way is best and that I can trust Them.  They are the author and finisher of our faith and our journey.  Parts with false identities as not well understood by most survivors.  The way a cult maintains control is to program parts of an individual to believe they are the handler or programmer and assign them the “job” of keeping the person in line with the cult’s purposes. 

I will always be grateful to God for answering this prayer before I even prayed it with providing Jo as my prayer minister!  In addition, He answered this prayer with my husband, Ken, who is an incredible part of my healing journey.  I still struggle at times asking God why.  So many survivors struggle alone – why did He bless me in these ways and with such a beautiful community?  His answer is always that He is sovereign and knows our journeys.  For those who are isolated and alone, He has a plan for you too.  There are reasons in His sovereign care as He is teaching us.  For the things He has called me to, this was His gift.  For others, the challenges may be part of their journey which has restoration in a different way.  I know He gives us the strength whatever our path looks like!

This paragraph is pretty self-explanatory, but challenging, especially forgiving ourselves.  Before my memories began to surface, I thought I was a pretty good Christian and handled things well.  I was well versed in forgiveness and the necessity of doing it.  And because I “kept all the rules” in my presenter, I really didn’t need a Savior.  Of course I know the rhetoric and believed it, but in practice, I managed things pretty well on my own.  When the memories began to surface, I began to realize just how much I didn’t really know about forgiveness in practice, both forgiving perpetrators and then also forgiving myself, which to me is the hardest!

I used to wonder if I was really “saved” because I hadn’t led anyone to the Lord.  However, since discovering my trauma journey and understanding about parts, I’ve had the privilege of leading many of my parts to True FAMILY!  There is much joy in this and it is part of this prayer – learning how to minister to our parts and to pray for them.  Is that a new thought for you?  It was at first for me. There is a cooperating between us and True FAMILY in ministering to our parts.  Some people tend towards doing all the “work” ourselves and others can be passive in just leaving it all to True FAMILY.  What They really desire is for us to work together with our parts for wholeness.  It shouldn’t be a burden or a “have to” but a joyful part of our journey with True FAMILY. 

“I relinquish the right to decide for myself what I can handle today, and instead I trust You not to overwhelm me.  According to my joy capacity, which You are daily building in me, bring memories and information to me at the pace for which You know I am ready.  Please remove all demonic out of the memories and do not allow them to enhance or to use traumatic memories to accomplish their agendas.”

In this series of blogs, I thought I would share some explanations about the Morning prayer by Jo Getzinger, my prayer minister.  Some of you have asked questions about these prayers, so I will take it paragraph by paragraph.  Some of it might seem obvious, but I think this can be helpful for all of us.  If you’d like to see the full prayer you can go to www.Care1.org or purchase Prayer Warriors from Amazon.  This is the next paragraph: