Sometimes I Hate My Parts

Just being honest.  I don’t want it to be that way, but sometimes it is hard.  The cult programs parts to be opposites and to oppose each other.  So it would be natural to have animosity between parts.  So where do we start?

I’ve known for a while about Strong Girl and Good Girl who are part of my presenter system and they’ve gotten to know True Jesus and have been learning to cooperate with Him.  However, recently, while working through opening up some emotions, we ran into Alison who is about the opposite of everything Good Girl is.  She holds all the anger, hate and self-hatred so that Good Girl doesn’t have to face it and this is part of what keeps me in the “functional” category. 

Good Girl doesn’t want to be “contaminated” by Alison.  She wants to keep the wall up.  Alison disgusts her.  Good girls don’t get angry.  Good girls don’t hate.  Good girls don’t cut, etc.  True Jesus is working tenderly with Good Girl and encouraging her to see Alison through the eyes of His love.  It’s difficult and she can for just a little bit.  But then the disgust comes back.  Both parts are me.  I know cognitively we need to get along and learn to be together, but I can also feel the strong resistance from Good Girl, even though she’s come a long way with True Jesus.  This is a new test and new ground to overcome. 

True Jesus assures her that He has broken down the middle wall of division but we are still working through the process.   “For He Himself is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation,”  Eph 2:14 NKJV  The cult has worked hard to separate our parts from each other and to destroy the beautiful flow that God created us to have.  So now we get to regain what was lost and learn to appreciate all of our parts, even those who are sabotaging, punishing or carrying emotions we don’t want to look at. 

Becoming whole is a process, but a good one.  I know Good Girl and Alison will work it out given time with True Jesus.  So if you struggle with some parts you don’t really like, I understand.  And we get to walk this out together with True Jesus – our Reconciler.  What seems impossible in the natural, is possible with Him!  Glory be to God!