Understanding Our Brain, Part 4

I hope you’ve enjoyed this series about the master controller side of your brain (the right side).  This week concludes our series with the right prefrontal cortex region or our identity/action center.  This is where we decide how to respond based on our identity.

A baby doesn’t know who he/she is when born.  Identity is formed relationally by the messages mom and dad give.  Am I loved?  Am I worthy?  Or are others disappointed or angry with me?  Then I believe I am a burden and not worthy of love.  The good news is that no matter what messages we received then, it can be re-written by True FAMILY, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, as well as healthy community.  What are we reflecting to each other?  What are our words, facial expressions and body language communicating to others?

Our personal identity is ideally formed by around 12 when we begin to experience group identity.  It is similar to first learning to play an instrument (personal identity) and then learning how to play in a band (group identity).  Both are vital.  This development takes place in the right prefrontal cortex region of the brain. If I know I am loved and have a secure attachment (attachment center) and then I can face the good, bad and scary of life (assessment center) and process it appropriately.  Then when I’m attuned with by others (attunement center) and I know I’m not alone, then I can act in my true identity.  This is the way God intended. 

However, in trauma we often get stuck at levels 1, 2 and 3 and may not act like we want to.  This explains a lot of behaviors including addictions.  People know and want to do the right thing, but when they get stuck at any of these levels (especially 1 and 2), how they act will not reflect who they really want to be.  Hopefully this helps us to have compassion for others and not sit in judgment – “Why in the world did they do that?”  Instead, we can come alongside them compassionately and help them remember who they are and help them get unstuck at any of those levels.

We need each other on this journey.  Often I need to be reminded of these things when I get stuck at any of those levels in the brain.  I need others to affirm and attune to me and to tell me the truth about who I am, even if it hurts at times.  I hope you have people in your life who can do this for you!  Let’s work through these things together with love and compassion!